Friday, October 15, 2010

Lunchtime walk at the summit...

I've been in a bit of a funk this week, even though I really do know that I have a lot to be thankful for. During my lunchtime walk around our office complex, the same one I've been at for the last seven plus years, I tried to get a grip on my funk. You see this last January I discovered I was pregnant with what would have been my third child. I lost the baby at 9 1/2 weeks because it had an extra #22 chromosome, not #21 which causes down syndrome. We were not planning on baby #3, in fact Brett had considered us done. When I realized I was pregnant I was in shock at mostly because of the timing of it I thought it would complicate finishing my masters degree classes, but of course I came to grips with the idea of another baby. I have always wanted to have another child. So this was in fact lucky for me since I would turn 40 this past June. I was devastated on the day I had my doctors appointment and she told me that the baby had no heart beat. I mourned my loss for quite a few months. You see this week is the week that baby would have been born had things been ok. I know I am lucky to have two amazing, adorable, loving little boys but I just get this feeling that I have one more little soul in me that wants to be a part of our lives. We decided that we would intentionally try for one more child and have been trying for the last two cycles. But now this week as I think about the one I lost I know that if I do have one more child I will be 41 and I try to think that hey it's just a number. And finally, thanks Fujifilm for asking me after 10years of service to give you 2 1/2 more hours a week when I already give you so much. Your policies are becoming as sharp as the lines our building that today looks as dark as I feel this week. I look forward to finishing this semester and being only six student teaching credits away from a secondary math degree. 
Onward and upward!

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1 comment:

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